


Only if for a Night

by Kaisbeast (Sugashadingyou)



Category: the GazettE
Genre: I talk too much, M/M, also this was really hard to write like poor uruha poor aoi poor everyone, ended up being all plot no porn, man I'm awful, this was supposed to be porn without plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9277064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugashadingyou/pseuds/Kaisbeast
Summary: "That’s when he decided that Aoi could be so annoying when he was paying attention. It wasn’t all bad, however. It felt good to have someone looking out for you, even if it was the wrong person."One-sided Aoiha (?) One-sided Uruki (?)(In which Ruki messed things up, Uruha is upset and Aoi is adorable)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> So this is my first gazettE fic on Ao3. I write a lot but I don't usually post my stuff. I do have some work around the internet so I might as well repost them here!  
> Also I don't really write angst so I hope this isn't too bad, and english isn't my first language so I apologize in advance for the mistakes!  
> That being said, I hope you like it!

The heavy flashing lights of the stage became softer as the constant banging of drums and strong guitar riffs gave space to a slow melody. At the crowd, people stared open mouthed, emotion in their eyes as they were being carried by the lyrics. Everyone could relate to them. The sadness, hurt and regret of a failed relationship. Uruha has had that too, maybe not as many times as some of his friends and colleagues, but oh, he got hurt. He honestly couldn’t tell what was worse: having many failed relationships or failing with the same person many times. From his experience, he would say the first was way better than the latter. Every time he tried, every time he thought “this is going to work now” it got worse. It was extremely painful and annoying, especially because he simply could not stop himself from being in love with that one person. The one who loved to break his heart into small pieces and step on them.

He caught a glimpse of the vocalist on his right side. _Beautiful._ Eyes closed, the lyrics rolling out of his tongue with so much passion, his voice mesmerizing, his body moving with the melody. Everything about him was so overwhelming that Uruha would often feel suffocated when listening to that man singing during a concert. It was almost as if he was speaking to the guitarist himself.

Well, he was singing a song about a failed relationship after all.

It hurt to think about anything, so he simply let his guitar speak for him.

“You were on fire, Ruki!” He heard Reita say when they left the stage for the last time that day. “Man, I think we all rocked today.”

“Especially Uruha.” Came the short reply.

Yeah, he did play pretty well that night. He was inspired, but more than that, he was thinking about the past. Back in the days when they used to play for 10, 20 people if they were lucky enough; before he even called himself Uruha and his band’s drummer was a short, rebel teenager who dyed his hair a different color every week.

Was that his first love?

Well, there was his senpai from school, the one who got him into Luna Sea – for what he was forever grateful. He had a crush on him, but he wouldn’t call it love. Then Akira. He loved Akira more than anything in this world, but their relationship never got to the point of having mixed feelings towards each other. They did kiss once – more than once, really – that secret, however, he was taking to the grave with him. His high school girlfriend didn’t mean much, which was good because she dumped him after a few months together to go fuck someone better. Her own words. In the end, his high school days ended up being full of drinking and smoking by himself while watching Luna Sea videos and trying to learn how to play the guitar. Provided that he didn’t experience enough feelings during high school he could say that his drummer was his first love, after all. _Fuck, that really sucks._

To keep his dignity intact he had to admit that the drummer thing was just a crush. The actual love part came when the man started to sing. Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone who sings I For You better than Ryuichi himself, though? It was only logical.

“With me, Uruha?”

“I’m sorry, Aoi, what?”

“I said will you go out to drink with me?” He laughed “You’re spacing out a lot today, huh”

The guitarist was right. After the concert he chatted with some of the staff while removing his makeup and taking his expensive clothes off, but he barely realized when most people had left and he was still there, sitting alone on the couch with his guitar, thinking about way too many things. That’s when he decided that Aoi could be so annoying when he was paying attention. It wasn’t all bad, however. It felt good to have someone looking out for you, even if it was the _wrong_ person. Sometimes he wished they were closer, but apart from guitar business they didn’t have much in common. Back in the days they shared rooms then and there, when they didn’t have enough money for separate rooms and sleeping with Ruki was still too weird, but they never had much to talk about so drinking their lungs off until simply starting at each other was fun enough always sounded like a wonderful idea.

“So?”

“Um, I don’t know… What about the others?”

“Ruki and Reita are watching one of those boring shows tonight and Kai-chan says he’s too tired,” he sighed “they’re all so old and boring.”

Of course Ruki and Akira were spending the night together. Did Akira even consider inviting him? Or maybe asking if he wanted to do anything together? No, of course not. He only spent time with Ruki now. _They could be fucking, for all I care._ He missed them. He missed Ruki.

“You’re the oldest, you know. And I’m tired too.”

“Are you seriously letting an old man like me go out all by myself? Not nice!”

Yeah, Aoi definitely could be annoying sometimes.

“Fine” he rolled his eyes “I’m going.”

Well, if he was going to drink he would make sure to wake up the next morning without a single memory of that night, he thought as Aoi waved to a cab to take them to their favorite pub. _At least we have that in common._

If his memory didn’t fail him that was the place where Ruki introduced his last girlfriend to the group, _that bitch_. Nevertheless he couldn’t help but smile when he remembered the way she acted when the vocalist said that he wouldn’t stop going out with Uruha because their friendship meant more to him than she did. _Obviously._ For some reason, the girl tried to force Ruki into being with her and only her, trying to stop him from meeting his friends and doing things with them. He felt awfully relieved when she finally broke up with the vocalist, saying that Ruki didn’t pay enough attention at her. Honestly, even Kai didn’t like her much, which said a lot because from the drummer’s point of view everyone was at least a little loveable. However, it was hard to watch how upset the vocalist seemed to be, which made him wonder if Ruki was actually a masochist, falling in love with awful people all the time. If the person was nice enough, he would just cheat on them and fuck things up. _Twice._ At least he was a damn good vocalist.

The pub wasn’t too crowded, giving it was only Tuesday, but it wasn’t exactly empty either. Usually the place was attended by other famous musicians, since their private policy was really strict. That night, however, there weren’t any known faces, which was good because Uruha wasn’t exactly in the best mood and shape to meet his senpai.

They took their usual table at the far left corner; close enough to the bathrooms if any of them felt sick, still on the opposite side of the bar so they would have to be sober enough to cross the place if they wanted special drinks or shots. Kai’s idea, of course. It was also darker and quieter there. _We’re so predictable._

After three great shots of Tequila and a fruity vodka thing that barely tasted like alcohol Uruha was feeling wonderful. He stopped thinking about the way Ruki sang that night and was actually focused on what Aoi was saying, also feeling surprisingly comfortable with the way the older guitarist touched his shoulder or arm once in a while. Or maybe he was just drunk.

“I went out with Kazuki the other day and he gave me a necklace. Can you believe it? My kohai giving me expensive jewelry.” _When did we get so close to SCREW?_

“That’s because Kazuki has a crush on you, Aoi.” Uruha laughed.

“What are you talking about?!”

“I’m sure he has posters of you in his room and collects every magazine you’re in.” His laugh became louder when Aoi’s face became tomato red. “He probably sleeps thinking about you every day.”

“You’re evil, Uruha! And don’t think I forgot about that concert in Yoyogi when you got a sex toy.” Aoi smirked. “Did you ever use it?”

“Shut up!” He practically yelled.

“Oh, you have!” Aoi yelled back. “Pervert Ussan!”

“I haven’t!” He looked away “I don’t even have it anymore.”

“You’re adorable when you’re shy, Kou-chan”

The way Aoi let every syllable roll out of his tongue in an almost seductive way reminded Uruha of _his_ voice whispering his real name, full name, with so much passion and need; the heat of his breath sending shivers to every cell of his body; the way the man looked at him… _Fuck._

“Uru? Are you okay?”

“I need something stronger to drink.”

~.~.~.~

When he woke up he didn’t care to open his eyes. Uruha usually didn’t get a hangover but he felt his entire body aching and throat really, really dry. _Uuugh._ Ignoring his own needs he simply decided to go back to sleep, which proved itself to be a hard task since his bed seemed strangely uncomfortable. Opening his eyes, he realized the bedroom’s curtains were closed, but he could tell the sun was already up and shining brightly outside. _I never leave them closed._ He turned to the right side of the bed as a final attempt to go back to sleep, but was presented with view of a man soundlessly sleeping on his back, dark hair with pink strands visible even in the dim light of the room. _I have a spare bedroom, Aoi…_

It was only when he got up that he noticed the lack of clothes on his body.

“What the hell?”

He hushed to the bathroom and shut the door close with unnecessary strength, his head protesting against the unwelcome noise. The reflection in the mirror showed just how much he drank the previous night. There were heavy bags under his swollen red eyes, his hair was an awful mess and right above his left nipple there was… _Is that a hickey???_

“I’m quitting drinking.”

He stepped into the shower and turned the cold water on first, washing his face. _I need to talk to Akira._ When his body adjusted to the cold he washed his dirty hair with the peach scented shampoo he bought after Ruki said it was one of his favorite scents. After good twenty minutes from cold water washing his misery away, he turned the shower off and grabbed a towel, putting it around his waist. _Now what?_

Decided that he wasn’t going to come out of the bathroom in his towel, he searched through the laundry basket looking for something to wear. He figured the shirt from two days ago should do fine, picking some random sweatpants as well. _Underwear is so overrated._ Before leaving the bathroom Uruha took another look in the mirror, feeling slightly better. Breathing deeply, he opened the door.

“Good morning.”Aoi, his fellow guitarist – and current one-night-stand – said. He was already up and dressed, picking discarded beer cans they apparently had last night.

“Hey…” Uruha replied timidly.

“Are you as trashed as I am?” he chuckled.

“Worse.” Uruha sighed “Yuu… What happened last night?”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, really.”

“I can’t remember anything.”

He frowned. “Oh…”

“Well I can imagine what happened, from the way I woke up this morning, but the last thing I remember is ordering that Brazilian thing with lots of lemon.”

“The one with the funny name!”

Uruha crossed the bedroom to the open door leading to the living room. “Is it okay if we continue this in the kitchen? I’m really thirsty.” He didn’t wait for an answer before walking out of the room. As he made his way to the kitchen, Aoi following short behind, he noticed two of his least favorite guitars sitting by the couch, as well as other beer cans on the coffee table.

He poured himself a big glass of water, quickly emptying it and pouring some more, then he took another glass and gave it to Aoi. Taking a deep breath, he said “Can you tell me what happened?”

Aoi sat by the small table, resting his chin on his hands. “Well… I can’t remember everything myself, but I know we didn’t stay at the pub for much longer after we tasted the Brazilian drink; I can’t remember when or how we got to your apartment, but I remember playing the guitar and you telling me you wanted to drink some more.”

Uruha took a sip of his water and noticed the slight blush in Aoi’s cheeks. _Cute._

“Next thing I remember… Well…”

“I think I get it.” Uruha filled his glass again.

“I honestly don’t know how it happened…” The way his band mate’s voice sounded upset was nearly disturbing. Uruha’s heartbeat increased as he felt anxiety running through him. He didn’t know how to deal with this, nor did he want to think about it. He had to, however. Aoi was his friend and part of his band, so there could be no hard feelings between them. He wished he could say he didn’t regret it - did he, though? -  however it was hard to even get his brain to function properly without thinking about the first time he slept with a band mate. 

“Listen, Uru, it’s okay. I know neither of us would have done it had we been sober enough.”

“But-“

“I just want you to know that I’d never take advantage of you…Ever.”

Uruha turned his gaze to the guitarist, noticing small purple marks on his neck. “Don’t worry about that, I’m pretty sure we both enjoyed it enough.” He smiled.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen that way, though…” Aoi murmured, barely audible.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.” He cleared his throat “So, what happens next?”

“We tell the others, I think.” The idea of telling everyone about the way he got drunk, lost his memory and fucked or was fucked by Aoi – or both – didn’t sound too appealing to him, but as a band the others were supposed to know about anything that could compromise their work.

“We don’t really have to. I mean, I don’t think it would change things between us, since we can’t even remember last night properly.”

“Yeah…”

“But can I ask you something?”

Uruha nodded.

“Well… If you ever need to talk to someone or if you need help dealing with anything…Even if for a night…Will you come to me?”

“Um…”

“What I mean is you can count on me if you need anything. Also I’m the hottest drinking buddy ever.” He winked.

Uruha giggled. “Okay, I’ll come to you if I’m the mood to get drunk with the hottest drinking buddy ever again.”

“Great!” Aoi smiled back at him. “Man, I really am trashed.”

“Me too.”

“I’ll make my way home, then. This old man needs his own bed.”

 

After saying goodbye and closing his apartment door, Uruha felt strangely relieved. He still had no idea what happened or why Aoi was being so cool about everything that’d happened, but it somehow worked for the best. He felt closer to the other guitarist now, strangely comfortable about it, and if they ever need something to joke about from that day on they would just say “hey remember that day we got drunk and had sex?” _What have I done…?_ Maybe it wasn’t as funny just yet.

He went back to his bedroom and opened the curtains, letting the awfully bright sunlight into the room. He looked for his phone and found it in the pocket of the pants he wore after the concert, noticing a text from Kai rambling about how well he played last night and new email that he would postpone reading. Turning the music on, he quickly changed from his own band to Megadeth’s Rust in Peace. _No Ruki singing in this one._ Then he finally took the dirty clothes off and put them back in the laundry basket where they belonged and picked a clean shirt and boxers.

At first he mused on whether to tell Akira about last night or not, but given that his best friend always enlightened him with good advice – that he never followed – he decided that Reita should know about it, after all. _Hey Akira remember that time I told you I would never get drunk and do stupid things again? Well guess what?!_ Yeah, he would go for that. Maybe he should tell Kai instead, the leader was always so nice and understanding. Except that was complete bullshit and Kai was really protective of Aoi for some reason. _He’s the scariest of us all…_

Ruki, then? _Yeah right._

 Putting his dark jeans on, he grabbed the keys to the apartment and the car, leaving right after.

It was a short drive to his best friend’s apartment since he lived in the next neighborhood. Uruha recorded the day they finally decided to have separate houses after years of living together in Tokyo. He would never admit it, but he really missed those days when they would do absolutely everything together and work shitty part time jobs so they could make enough money to buy clothes and turn them into costumes, ugly costumes that only became a little better after Ruki joined their band, since the former drummer had a better fashion sense than Uruha and Reita combined. Of course, they still lived close enough so they would always be there when needed, but a part of him always felt lonely after moving out.

Although he had the keys to the building and Reita’s apartment he only ever used the key to enter the building. When he reached his best friend’s door he ringed the bell twice so Akira should know it was him. The person on the other side of the door, however, wasn’t exactly the one he was expecting to see.

“Taka?” 

He felt his heart skip a beat as he tried to remain calm. Suddenly he was reminded of his own thoughts last night: _They could be fucking, for all I care._

“Kouyou, hi!” Ruki smiled and opened the door to let him enter _Akira’s_ house, which he refused at first. “Rei should be back any minute so come in.”

He took his shoes off and walked into the apartment, noticing the undone futon in the middle of the living room. _Good._

Akira’s apartment was smaller than his own, so it didn’t have a spare bedroom, which was fine because he didn’t usually have guests staying over other than the band members, so he only bothered buying extra futon and blankets. Uruha, on the other hand, had a sister who enjoyed visiting – much to his dismay – although he had to admit he enjoyed playing with his little niece, so he got himself a larger apartment.

“Where did Akira go?” He said as he sat by the couch.

“Grocery shopping. There’s nothing but water in the kitchen.” Ruki sat opposite to him “I’m sure you can relate.”

“I actually remember to buy food these days.”

“Really?” the vocalist seemed truly surprised.

“Yes, really.”

“That’s good, Kouyou.” He avoided Ruki’s eyes. “Were you drinking last night?”

Uruha grinned. “Naturally.”

“You do look like you’ve been hit by a truck.” _I’ve been hit by a Ruki._ “Do you want me to leave so you can talk to Rei?”

“No, it’s fine. No big deal.”

“Will you join us, then? We were just looking for a movie to watch this afternoon.”

“I don’t know…”  

Ruki dragged himself a little closer, which made Uruha look at him with a curious expression “I don’t bite,” he said, mischievous look on his eyes “much.”

Uruha exhaled deeply and gave him a sly slime “I’m aware.”

Ruki took his phone out to type a quick text and turned his attention back at Uruha right after. “Anyway, how have you been?”

  _After you cheated on me again?_ “Good, I guess.”

“I’m glad…” He replied with a set smile. “You know… I was writing a song the other day and it reminded me of you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean… Your writing style.”

“I see. I’m guessing is a heavy song, then.”

“Pretty much.”

Uruha looked away, unsure of what to say next. That was so unusual between them, given that they always had lots and lots of things to talk about, even after the shitty cheating thing. Actually, after they broke up they started the production of their latest album, which himself and Ruki took the lead completely, so they spent plenty of time together working on songs and making sure everything was perfect. At some point, however, things started to change. Uruha couldn’t tell exactly why, but he knew it had something to do with that damn song. It was the last song added to the album, also the only one Ruki recorded without asking his opinion on it and for some reason Uruha just couldn’t face him after listening to it. He wanted more than anything to ask him about the lyrics, if they had anything to do with their relationship, but he was so afraid that the answer would be “no”, so he simply tried to pretend he didn’t care about it. “It’s good” was all that he said when Ruki showed them the lyrics and asked if they could add it to the album. And then, as the production to the tour started they didn’t have much time to talk about anything that wasn’t light effects, setlists and costumes. _And here we are._

“You can show me when it’s done.”

 

The afternoon went by uneventful as the three of them watched random action movies, not bothering to pay proper attention. They laughed and joked about the terrible special effects and how the actors could do much better than that while eating snacks and drinking soda.  _Healthier than getting drunk and having sex with the rhythm guitarist_.  When the third movie ended Reita decided to take a bath and leave the two of them sharing a couch that didn’t seem to be large enough to fit the awkwardness between them.

“Ne, Kouyou…” There. The way he said his name. “Can I ask you something?”

Uruha hated the way the other always looked right through him when he wanted to talk about something serious. _Don’t._

“Sure.”

“Yesterday… What were you thinking about?”

“What do you mean, Ruki?”

“I caught a glimpse of you sometimes and you were smiling in a way I haven’t seen in years.”

“Oh…” Uruha studied his answer “I was just thinking about the difficulties we had to overcome to get where we are.”

“I see…” Ruki bit his lip “I think about it a lot, as well.”

Uruha gave him a genuine smile “You were amazing yesterday.”

“You were too.” The vocalist smiled back. “But you always are.” Uruha averted his withering smile, feeling the blood hush to his cheeks. “I’ve missed you, Kouyou.”

_Oh fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck.fuck._

What was he supposed to answer to that? _Me too but I have a hickey on my chest._ Why was Takanori so intense all the time? Why was his voice so damn beautiful and the way he said his name so appealing to him?

_“Damn you’re hot, Shima.”_

_“Play for me, Uruha.”_

_“I love you, Kouyou.”_

“I’ve missed you too.” He finally admitted.

“I’m sorry… I’m in no position to say that, right?”

“It’s okay. We’ve missed each other as friends, so it’s okay to say that.” Uruha hugged his knees, hiding his face from the other man.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Ruki lift himself from the couch and sat back right next to him. “Look at me, please.” Uruha did as he was told, unblinkingly facing the vocalist’s deep onyx eyes for the first time in months. They were so close…

“I know I’ve ruined our chances and you have every right to hate me, but I have to tell you this, Kouyou.” His expression was pleading “I regret it so badly. You deserve someone who can make you happy, Kouyou, and I wish I could be that person.”

“You were.” He felt tears forming on the corner of his eyes. _Fuck no._

“I know.” Ruki’s eyes were watery as well. “I’ve loved you, Kouyou. I fell in love with you when I was nineteen and I don’t think I’d ever stop loving you. But I’ve always been so afraid of commitment…” He took a deep breath “Every time I thought about us breaking up for some random reason I panicked… And I figured-“

“Fucking things up yourself was better than avoiding the unavoidable.”

“Something like that…” Uruha noticed a single tear running down his cheek and fought the urge to dry it with the back of his hand. “I thought I was mature enough now to fight my fears but I wasn’t… I’m not.”

“I really loved you, Kouyou… I really have.”

Uruha closed the distance between them with a hug, unable to fight the tears from falling anymore as he held the smaller man tight. It fit so well. He felt so incredibly safe in Ruki’s arms, the arms of the man who cheated on him twice and always seemed so cool about it; the arms of the man who had just admitted his own feelings for the first time.

He knew Ruki was crying too, silent sobs escaping his lips as they held each other close, trying to imprint every memory of that moment in their head; their scent, the body heat, the feeling of skin against the fabric of their shirts and finally the taste of each other’s mouth when they broke the hug enough for a kiss. It was bittersweet, the way their tongues seemed to entwine perfectly together as if they were made to the other and yet the feeling that this was going to be the last kiss. He could taste the salty tears from his and Ruki’s eyes, which made him deepen the kiss, moaning into Ruki’s mouth and receiving a thrust of his hips as an answer. _I can’t do this._

He was the first to break the kiss. “Taka…”

“I know…” Ruki let go of his embrace, against his every desire. “I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Uruha gave him an open smile “But it’s too soon.”

“I thought you were going to say it was too late…” Ruki relaxed on the couch.

“Maybe it is. I don’t know.”

“Do you have someone else?” He timidly asked.

“Not really…” Uruha answered. _Oh, wait, I have a hickey from your friend Aoi._ “Well… it’s complicated.” He added. “I really don’t want to get hurt again, Taka… I don’t think we’d make out of it unharmed if it happened again.”

Ruki tried to hide a disappointed smile. “I understand…” He looked away for the first time. “Well, it’s late, I should go check on Koron.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Tell Rei I left, will ya?” He jumped from his seat and started grabbing his things as Uruha watched him, not knowing what to say. When Ruki was done he walked to the door and quickly put his shoes on.

“Kou… Do you think we’ll get another chance?” He asked, hands on the doorknob.

_Another chance…_

 He thought about the pink haired drummer he met when he was twenty years old: a short boy smoking cigarettes and puffing the smoke straight to his face, staring at him with a devilish grin on his lips; the poems he showed Kouyou when they became closer – and the ones he wrote about the guitarist; his astonishing voice singing I For You at the karaoke, nearly getting him to cry; the lyrics he wrote to the band and the emotions he knew how to express better than anyone; his cries of pleasure and the pleading for “more, Koko, more…”; the way they broke up and managed to remain close friends for the sake of the band and their own selfish desires; the way Uruha always wrote songs for him, even while they were dating other people; how their lips desperately crushed into each other after the greatest concert of their lives. The way they fit so well…

“Yeah… I hope so.”

 

~.~.~

“So, did you talk to him?” Akira said when he finally came out of his “shower”.

“Yeah. Thanks, by the way.”

“It’s fine, I figured I should let you guys talk. You’d either end up kissing or killing each other, so it was okay.”

Before he could answer, his phone vibrated inside his pocket

 **(8:57 PM) Aoi: Wanna hang out?** ^.~

He instinctively smiled. _Winking emoji, really?_

“Texting Ruki already?” Akira chuckled.

“No… Aki, I need to tell you something.”

~.~

“ Did you tell Ruki?”

“Not really.” Uruha buried his head deeper onto the pillow. “I feel awful about it.”

“You really don’t have to. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“That’s the problem, Aki. I feel guilty, but I don’t regret it. Or maybe I do, I don't know. I can barely remember it but I can tell he made me feel so good, so… needed. And when we talked about it he was so understanding, so cool. It was so easy to deal with.”

“Shima…” Was all that his best friend said, choosing to caress his honey blond hair instead.

 

Uruha woke up and saw his best friend sleeping next to him. He took his phone out and checked the time.

**(8:57 PM) Aoi: Wanna hang out? ^.~**

**(10:31 PM) Me: Is it too late to come?**

**(10:32 PM) Aoi: Bring the stomach medicine!**

**(10:32 PM) Me: lol, k. I’ll be there.**

Careful to not wake his friend up, Uruha quickly made his way out of the apartment. _Don’t think too much_ he thought as he turned his car engine on.

As he drove to Aoi’s apartment, definitely not as close as Akira’s, he thought about the outcome of his day and the wonderful conversation he had with the vocalist. _Maybe one day…_ He should have asked about the song, though. The hurt he felt while listening to Ruki singing during that concert was still too vivid inside him, as if the arena was empty and there were only the two of them, except he was playing for Ruki and Ruki was singing for some ex girlfriend.

_“I thought you were going to say it was too late…”_

Was it too late, after all?

He didn’t want to get hurt again nor did he want to think “Things are going to work out from now” yet another time. At the moment, all Uruha wished was to feel light, free. It was no use to think about their relationship then and there, since they weren’t getting back together anytime soon.

The first thing he noticed when he stepped into Aoi’s apartment was how clean it was. The last time Uruha was there, to work on guitar solos for the album, the place wasn’t nearly as neat.

“Is someone cleaning your apartment for you?” Uruha couldn’t help but ask about it.

Aoi laughed “That would be me.”

“You didn’t turn yourself into a cleaning freak like Ruki, have you?”

“Lord, forbid me! I just decided to do something about it today.”

Uruha chucked and nodded.

“Well make yourself at home! Kazuki gave me some good quality beer and I was saving it for a special occasion, which happens to be right now, so you can have it.” He waved at the kitchen.

“Thanks.”

After grabbing a glass bottle of said beer, Uruha sat next to Aoi on the floor. X Japan’s 1992 Tokyo Dome live was playing on the tv, which he had nothing to complain, although he did like Luna Sea better.

“Man, I can’t believe we have rehearsal tomorrow.” Aoi said as he stretched his arms.

Uruha took a sip of his beer “I want to go back to the stage soon.”

“Me too!” Aoi pointed to the tv. “Do you think they rehearsed  as much as we do?”

“Probably not.  We could call Yoshiki-san anytime and ask, though.”

“Sometimes I forget we actually get to be friends with our idols.”

“Oh me too. I still have to keep it cool around Sugizo-san.” Uruha grinned. “My room in Kanagawa is still filled with Luna Sea stuff.”

He remembered the first time he took Ruki there, and how amazed he was by the fact that his parents let him put posters all over the wall, _Nope. No more Ruki for today_ and how they had an amazing first time after talking nonstop about music and dreams for hours. _Stop it, dammit._

_“I really loved you, Kouyou… I really have.”_

Halfway through the concert and many beers later, they decided to give their own guitar playing a try, Aoi messing up with his fingers as he tried to remember the chords from Baretta. Uruha laughed and played his own solo neatly.

“Show off!” Aoi shouted “How come you remember the whole thing?”

Uruha gave him an evil smirk. “Because I’m better than you are.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

He shuddered. “It’s one of my favorite solos so I play it a lot at home”

“So you’re not _that_ better.”

He felt a challenge building up, his competitive side – and the beer – taking control over him.

“I’m good at many things.”

“Oh?” Aoi raised a brown. “I’m sure you are great, Uruha-kun, but I’m still the superstar in this place.”

Uruha closed the distance between them and whispered “Then play me something that is out of this world.” before stepping back and lying on the couch, leaving a rather blushing Aoi staring at him wide-eyed. _Now this is amusing._

_“Stop teasing me, Taka…”_

_“How could I?” Ruki caressed his lover’s thigh “I love seeing you blush like that”_

“Uruha…” Aoi took a deep breath “What do you want from me?”

What did he want, exactly?

“I’m sorry…”

Aoi sat next to him. “Don’t be.”

His concerned eyes met Uruha’s confused ones and the lead guitarist felt guilt building up in his stomach as he noticed the way Aoi’s smile seemed to be hiding his real emotions.

“I told you this morning, I want you to count on me. If I can help you, even if just a little… I will.”

“I don’t know what to say…” He confessed.

“Tell me what you want.” Aoi gently caressed his shoulder.

_What I want…_

_“I thought you were going to say it was too late…”_

Uruha wished he could fall in love with someone else; he wished he could look at Ruki and see nothing but one of his best friends; he wished they could talk, go out and share a drink without any tension building up; he wished – oh how much did he wish – that he could feel loved again. Although he wished to be friends with Ruki he knew that would never happen. They shared so many special moments together, as lovers, and a part of him would always hope that they could grow old together, making music and waking up next to each other every day. He was just so hurt, however. So fucking hurt. So fucking tired of trying and failing again and again; tired of watching Ruki break up with him to be with some random girl and write songs about them all the time.

He deserved better, indeed. He deserved to be happy again.

“I want to forget…”  His answer was bittersweet.

Aoi pulled him closer, warm breath close to his neck. “I’ll help you with that.” He felt Aoi’s arms around his neck and shyly looked up to meet his reassuring eyes. Aoi touched Uruha’s lips with his thumb before sealing their mouths in a deep, meaningful kiss.

“Do you still want me to show you something out of this world?”

 

Uruha watched as the man next to him hummed in his sleep. _Who would have guessed?_ He switched positions all night but sleep wouldn’t come, so he carefully got up and looked for his phone, finding it on the floor next to one of Aoi’s guitars. He flipped it open.

**(11:17 PM) Aki, The Great: Don’t do anything you’ll regret tomorrow.**

_Ummm…_

**(1:39 AM) Taka ♥: Can’t sleep so I finished the song I told u about hehe**

**(1:39 AM) Taka ♥: I’ll show u tomorrow before practice. Don’t be late!**

**(3:47 AM) Taka ♥: You know, the first song I wrote about you was so cliché I didn’t have the guts to show you -.-**

**(3:53 AM) Taka ♥: The last song I wrote thinking about the day we travelled to the mountains and saw that breath-taking night sky…**

**(3:55 AM) Taka ♥: I know it doesn’t make up for what I’ve done, but I hope you’ll accept that as an apology**

**(4:01 AM) Taka ♥:  In case it didn’t become obvious already, of course I was singing it yesterday thinking about you**

**(4:24 AM) Taka ♥: Takashima Kouyou… Next time I write about you, I promise… It will have a happy ending.**

**Contact name: Taka ♥ changed to: Ruki ~**

**Confirm change?**

**Author's Note:**

> Funny fact: Uruki is my ultimate otp so this was reeeally hard to write lol  
> Btw, I never said the name of the song that got uruha so worked up lol  
> so which one do you think it is? I left 'some hints on purpose hehe  
> Let me know what you think!!


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